About Domestic Violence - Warning Signs

25th Anniversary

About Domestic
Violence
Warning Signs
Are You Being Abusive?
Myths and Facts

Crisis Line: 651.772.1611

Warning Signs

Anyone can be an abuser. Although both men and women can be abusers, approximately 93% of abusers are men. Abusers often present an image of the "good provider," and they often have low self-esteem. They often refuse to accept responsibility for the violence and attempt to rationalize or blame the victim for causing it.

Signs of Potential Danger

Jealousy: of your friends, family, co-workers...any relationship other than your relationship with the abuser

Violent behavior: fights at parties, on the street, or in bars

Controlling behavior: monopolizing your time; not allowing you to make decisions about your clothes, how to wear your hair, investing money, or looking for a job

Verbal abuse: calling you hurtful and harmful names; putting you down either in private or in public

Mood swings: a personality that is "up and down." You don't know what will suddenly make him mad. He may be happy one minute and angry the next minute.

Isolation: from friends, family, neighbors. You fear that if you say "hello" to a friend, he will get jealous and angry.

Blaming: abusers blame you and/or others for their problems, for example, losing a job.

Unrealistic expectations: abusers can be overcritical. He may expect you to be the perfect partner, lover or friend.

Hypersensitivity: abusers are often easily insulted or hurt.

Family history: abusers may have seen domestic violence in their nuclear families. They were raised believing that domestic violence is normal behavior.

Sexist attitude toward women: abusers usually believe in strict gender roles. They believe that it is your job to take care of the home and him.

Threats of violence: any threat or physical force that is used to control you-including the threat of suicide.